10.01.08World as a Stage
(This is a self-reflection. Feel free to ignore unless you’re interested in the wreck that I call Self. Don’t worry, I’ll be more cheerful later.)
I’ve been thinking about myself. Actually, I always think about myself (not in that self-centered way, sadly), trying to explore what exactly I am.
I realized that despite the fact that I am “impulsive” and “does things without thinking”, I always force myself to be impulsive, so in a way, I planned out my recklessness.
Other than that, when I say insensitive things, it’s as if I do it to make myself seem carefree. Like I do it on purpose to get a reaction out of people, be it positive or negative. I just like to make people react strongly to what I say.
It’s as if I treat myself like an object to experiment with, along with the rest of the world. I don’t even know what my actual personality is, I mold it as I meet people. Am I quiet? Yes. Am I talkative? Yes. Am I panicky? Yes. Am I calm? Yes. On one hand I can recklessly make insensitive comments, and on the other, I am too afraid to ask for some sauce from McDonald’s counter.
It’s as if I don’t have my own personality.
What is wrong with me?
On the other hand, I sometimes actually do things without thinking. Like I have no control over myself. Or when I’m immersed with something, I do realize that I should be doing other things, I just let myself be taken by it. I have a severe case of forcing-myself-not-to-think-but-actually-thinking.
I hate feeling guilty because of the fact that I know I did something wrong when I could’ve done something right.
Mm…there is a time when a human reach an age where he/she will try to find their identity.
‘What am I?’
‘What am doing here?’
‘Who am I?’
‘What on earth I was born for?’
and so on … It’s normal for you, just keep on searching
Asal jangan sampe identity crisis aja. .. hahaha!
@ Faivon: Lol, yes, I’m in that stage. xP
Sejauh ini sih belum identity crisis… dan semoga nggak akan pernah… That’s how I feel… and I will certainly keep on searching.
or, more accurately:
All day I think about it, then at night I say it.
Where did I come from, and what am I supposed to be doing?
I have no idea.
My soul is from elsewhere, I’m sure of that,
And I intend to end up there.
This drunkenness began in some other tavern.
When I get back around to that place,
I’ll be completely sober. Meanwhile,
I’m like a bird from another continent, sitting in this aviary.
The day is coming when I fly off,
But who is it now in my ear who hears my voice?
Who says words with my mouth?
Who looks out with my eyes? What is the soul?
I cannot stop asking.
If I could taste one sip of an answer,
I could break out of this prison for drunks.
I didn’t come here of my own accord, and I can’t leave that way.
Whoever brought me here will have to take me home.
This poetry. I never know what I’m going to say.
I don’t plan it.
When I’m outside the saying of it, I get very quiet and rarely speak at all.
We have a huge barrel of wine, but no cups.
That’s fine with us. Every morning
We glow and in the evening we glow again.
They say there’s no future for us. They’re right.
Which is fine with us.
(by Rumi). I always promote his poetry everywhere, don’t mind me~
But it’s still beautiful poetry. @____@
mm…cuman maw sharing quote yg menurut gw sangat powerful
“Humility is not thinking less about yourself; Humility is thinking about yourself less!”
It is indeed a nice quote… Ya… I’ll definitely try. ^^;